When a call came into the Cowlitz County Sheriff’s Office about a sea lion in the middle of the woods, no one could quite believe what they were hearing.
“A what? A feline? Oh you mean a SEA LION? In the woods? Naw, that can’t be real!”
However, the officers who were sent out to confirm the sighting were even more confused when the crazy story actually turned out to be true.
Right there in the middle of the Washington woodlands was a 600-pound Stellar sea lion ambling down a rural country road, and boy was she was one helluva long way from home!
Home in this case should have been the Columbia River, which was quite a few miles away. As to how she got herself into this pickle, officers suspect that she must have gone up a side river and then wiggled her way up an even smaller creek, getting herself lost in the process.
Troy Brightbill, a chief criminal deputy with the sheriff’s office, told The Dodo:
“This is quite a distance from the Cowlitz River, where there are currently heavy numbers of sea lions feasting on the smelt run. It is believed the sea lion followed Delameter Creek, possibly through some culverts, and ended up on the rural road. It continued to travel further from water. At one point, it had moved about [half a] mile in the course of an hour.”
A team of rescuers, which included brave volunteers and wildlife officials, were keen on getting this big girl back into the water, as she had become quite a road hazard for the locals.
But the question was, how in the world do you corral a persnickety sea mammal onto the back of a trailer, when she most definitely wasn’t looking to hitch a ride from these strange country bumpkins?
Not only was this pissed off sea lion out of her element, but so was everyone else when it came to figuring out how to deal with this whopper of a challenge!
Thinking quickly on their feet, the team quickly grabbed some thin plywood and used it to form both a barrier and a shield.
Since she was now fenced in and could no longer continue on with her accidental “fish out of water” adventure, she begrudgingly let herself be herded into a cage, where everyone hoped she would finally just chill out.
Stellar sea lions call the northern Pacific their home, but it’s not uncommon for them to travel up river systems in search of food.
Scott Schroeder, one of the wildlife officers who was called to the scene that day, told The Oregonian that sea lions are actually super adorable when they’re in the water.
“There’s no other way to say it. They’re fairly cute animals.”
But then he went on to say that they’re not very cuddly, or approachable, on land.
This sea lion in particular bared her teeth and lunged at rescuers “like an alligator” when they got to close. If you could call what she was doing with her flippers flipping them off, then she was doing that, too!
“She was very aggressive. If you got within 20 feet of her, she would go after you. She was certainly full of spit and vinegar.”
In fact, sea lions have teeth that are so big and sharp, it would make a tough guy like The Big Bad Wolf from Little Red Riding Hood wet his granny diapers!
Once she was safely secured in the cage, crews drove this Stellar sea girl to a boat ramp a few miles away, where she was dropped off right at the edge of the Columbia River.
Once they opened the gate, she hopped out of her box, jumped off the pier and left everyone behind without so much as a “thank you.”
Hey, you’re welcome anyways, you salty old sea gal!
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