German Shepherds are known far and wide as being some of the most beautiful, intelligent, and loyal dogs in existence. These gentle giants are ideal for families. Even though they can grow to an enormous size — male Shepherds can weigh up to 90 lbs. — they have a natural gentleness and affection. No wonder they’ve earned a reputation as being “gentle giants.”
But they’re also fiercely loyal and brave. With intelligence that outstrips many other breeds, they are highly trainable. This is why they’re often the ideal choice for law enforcement, military, and rescue dogs.
In short: there’s little a German Shepherd can’t do. They’re wonderful with families, wonderful as workers, and wonderful for single owners. All they want is to be beside you.
So, the bottom line is we think German Shepherds are amazing. In fact, we think everyone should adopt one. But people don’t like being told what to do, so we’re going to try another tactic: reverse psychology.
Without further ado, we’ll tell you why you should never, ever get a German Shepherd, because they’re the worst dogs. Getting one will NOT result in having a lifetime friend.
1. They hate to play
German Shepherds are serious dogs. They’ll never play fetch with you, even if you throw the ball REALLY, REALLY far. Do you understand?
2. They’re not very hard workers
Sure, this guy might be standing behind a reception desk, but don’t let him fool you. He’d never dream of lending a paw.
3. They hate the outdoors
German Shepherds don’t enjoy going outside, especially if it involves running or swimming. For instance, you shouldn’t go on lots of walks in the park together.
4. They don’t know how to stay clean
Yes, some German Shepherds have white fur but it’s a disaster. It’s always covered in mud. So, you won’t have people stopping you to marvel over the beauty of your dog.
5. They’re horrible at snuggling
What’s snuggling? German Shepherds don’t know. Just look at this guy, tucked under a blanket with his owner. His form is terrible.
6. They’re bad at showing affection
German Shepherds are too stiff and formal to give you a snuggle and a kiss. Would it kill them to loosen up a little bit?
7. They won’t protect your kids
Do you want your German Shepherd to keep your kids safe in the yard? Forget it. They won’t protect them as though they were their puppies.
8. They don’t even like kids
German Shepherds aren’t good for kids anyway. Just look at these two. This affection is obviously forced.
9. They’re generally a bad dog for families
Look, German Shepherds don’t make good family dogs. They have zero pack instincts and no sense of seeing themselves as part of a group. Obviously.
10. They’re super serious
Do German Shepherds even have a sense of humor? Probably not. They just sit there all the time, being grumpy and doing dog stuff.
11. They don’t participate in group activities
Forget about trying to throw a frisbee around at the park. Your German Shepherd probably won’t chase it.
12. Their ears are all over the place
Look at this fool with his ears all askew. Someone needs to help him before he embarrasses himself. For shame.
13. They’re never silly
Do you want a dog you can goof around with? If they’re a German Shepherd, you might as well not even try. Just look at this guy — he’s never been silly a day in his life.
14. They’re not cute as puppies
The oversized ears and big, soft paws on the tiny little bodies? Pfft. They’re so not cute I don’t know what to tell you.
15. They hog the whole couch
German Shepherds are pretty big dogs, so once they’re on the couch, there’s no more room for you. Say goodbye to stretching out on the sofa.
16. They won’t take direction from anyone
German Shepherds are never obedient. They do whatever they want and would never allow a toddler to lead them around on a leash.
17. They don’t get what it’s like to be part of a family
What’s a pack instinct? German Shepherds are all about going their way. Good luck trying to get them to assimilate into your family.
18. They have no style
Let’s face it, they just aren’t cute or beautiful. Try getting yourself a dog with some substance, like a poodle.
19. You can’t trust them alone with a baby
With those giant jaws, they could eat a baby in one gulp. Probably. We’ve never seen it happen, but we wouldn’t put it past them.
20. They hate to travel
Put a 100-lb. dog on an airplane and take them on a vacation? Are you crazy? Traveling is for teacup Chihuahuas that can fit in your carry-on bag.
21. They’re hard to keep happy
German Shepherds are known for being incredibly needy and hard to please. It’s not like you can make them happy with something like a romp in the sandbox.
22. They’re not into kisses
You’d think a dog with a big old tongue like that would want to use it. But no, German Shepherds are way too stuck up to ever give you a kiss.
23. They don’t know how to relax
German Shepherds are always on the lookout, which means they never take a break. You can forget about finding them napping in cute positions.
24. They climb all over the furniture
Talk about being hard to train. The moment you let a German Shepherd into your house, they’ll climb all over your furniture — not to mention shed everywhere.
25. They steal the cat’s bed
This German Shepherd has no shame. He’s in a box that’s way too small for him. If he had any self-respect, he would nap in a dog bed like a normal pup.
26. They’re difficult to train
You might’ve heard that German Shepherds are used for police work because they’re smart and obedient. We’re here to tell you those are all lies.
27. Their smiles are hideous
Who could look at this dog and thi\nk he was cute? He’s not cute in any way, shape, or form. No sir.
28. They’ll terrify everyone they meet
Adopting a German Shepherd is great…if you want to scare everyone away, that is. They’re just so intimidating no one wants to be around them.
29. They make horrible road trip buddies
Do you want to hit the road with a dog? Don’t get a German Shepherd. There’s no way they could possibly be the perfect companion, you know, just happy to be with you.
30. They don’t get along with other dogs
Forget about trying to introduce a German Shepherd to another kind of dog. They’re so vicious, they’ll probably attack right away.
31. They can’t be trusted with electronics
You might think this dog is patiently sitting beside his owner’s computer. But he’s probably plotting for how to destroy it. Shepherds are so devious.
32. They refuse to smile for pictures
German Shepherds take themselves way too seriously. They never break out into a goofy grin for the camera.
33. They probably don’t like ice cream
Don’t even try to give your German Shepherd a few licks of vanilla ice cream. They probably wouldn’t even enjoy it.
34. They’re always getting into mischief
German Shepherds are always looking for ways to be mischievous. Just ask anyone who’s owned one and they’ll tell you they’re troublemakers.
35. They’re not photogenic
Do you think German Shepherds are beautiful and dignified? Well, you’re wrong. They don’t even know how to take good pictures.